Coming Together
by Night of StarClan
Summary: After the events on Tarsus IV the USS Enterprise and her crew returned to the stars to continue their exploration. But Kirk's reveal has more far reaching consequences than he would have expected. How is he to deal with them with a crew that walks on eggshells around him?
1. Spock

**StarTrek doesn't belong to me.**

 **R &R please.**

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 **This is a sequel to my first StarTrek Fic "Reach for the Light".**

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… _But I don't, because this is how I fight this guilt. I fight this guilt by admitting what happened, by trying to find out what I did wrong. Many people asked me to stop it already…but I can't. It's something I had beaten into me when I was young. I remember it clearly. How my friends and I hid out, how I tried to keep them safe…the guilt that ripped out my heart when we lost another friend…"_

Jim bit back a groan while he walked past one of the Observation Decks aboard the Enterprise.

Two weeks had passed since they had left Tarsus IV, making three weeks in total since his speech. And yet just about every officer aboard the ship still watched Jim's speech every day.

At first he'd laughed it off, but now it was annoying. Almost as annoying as the gazes that followed him everywhere he went. The gazes themselves weren't even the problem. The problem was the pity. Each and every one of his crewmembers looked at him as though they expected him to break every second. Forgetting that he'd already spent more than ten years with those haunting memories, forgetting that he'd never broken down in front of them before, forgetting that he was their captain and that he'd led them through so much.

The only ones that still treated him the same were Bones and Pike, since they had known beforehand, Spock, because his First Officer would just forever be the uptight Vulcan he was, and for the first time Jim was truly grateful for that, and Kevin Riley.

Given, the two had gotten closer again by now and had a different relationship than simply one between Captain and Lieutenant, but there was no pity from him. Kevin understood him in a way no one else did. Understandable considering the two had been on Tarsus IV together. They knew what the other had gone through. The fear, the pain, the hunger, the uncertainty of how many they'd be the next morning,…

Jim took a deep breath to calm himself down. It would do no good to rile himself up over this. But it was just so frustrating!

Even the rest of his command crew treated him differently.

Scotty held himself back during most of their conversations. He kept his enthusiasm under control and whenever they discussed their lady's weaponry, the Chief-Engineer would get rather jumpy.

Sulu, who had often joked on Jim's expense, had gotten rather quiet. Not just in the joke department, which Jim enjoyed listening in on when the helmsman believed the Captain wouldn't hear. He barely talked to Jim at all. Even his reports were so short and to the point, that he gave Spock's competition.

Chekov's rather bubbly attitude had disappeared altogether. The young Russian had become quiet as well, though in a way quite different from Sulu. He still talked as much as ever, but he kept it professional and quick. He didn't jump and fidget anymore when he handed Jim his reports. He didn't vibrate with excitement at just about everything that happened, he didn't laugh. It was as if their prodigy had made a quick step into the future. He'd left his eighteen year old personality behind and turned into how he'd probably be when he was thirty or forty or even older.

And this change didn't only unnerve Jim.

Last but not least, Uhura. Their Chief Communications Officer was _nice_. Uhura was a nice woman, no doubt, but despite their growing friendship, she and Jim enjoyed their banter and Jim making sexual innuendos only for her to shoot them down. That was how they functioned, that was how they worked, but now… Uhura simply brushed his teasing off and smiled at him far too often for his liking.

Sure, she was a beautiful woman and if she were single, he'd surely take flirting with her seriously. But she wasn't only taken, but taken by Jim's own First Officer. Jim still had to work hard to get anywhere near the level of friendship Spock's future-self had said they could have. Still, they were somehow friends and you just didn't go after the girlfriend of a friend.

Jim used to be a great asshole, still was at times, only in a different way, but he'd never steal a friend's girl.

"Captain, are you well?"

Jim gave a small jerk and blinked, to find himself standing at the beginning of the corridor to his quarters. Turning the left, he found the very man he'd just thought of standing there. Spock stood straight, his hands folded behind his back. The Vulcan's brown eyes scanning him. Jim wasn't certain, but he believed to see concern in the other's gaze.

"I'm fine, why?"

At this a fleeting look of disdain appeared in Spock's eyes, before he answered: "Fine is not an adequate response Captain, since it cannot be properly defined. As to your question, you have been standing here for quite a while, growing tenser per second."

Jim blinked and muttered: "Well damn, how long did I stand here?"

"I cannot say how long you were here before I arrived, but I have been trying to gain your attention for 1.36 minutes", Spock answered promptly.

Jim rolled his eyes at the answer to his rhetorical question as well as the reminder of how well his First Officer could hear. Smirking he answered: "I'm really alright Spock. Don't you worry about little old me."

"Vulcans do not worry Captain. Yet as your First Officer it is my duty to make sure you can fulfil your duties to your best abilities Captain. And that has not been the case lately. You are increasingly agitated and make mistakes I am well aware you would not usually make." Now Jim couldn't help but stare at the man in front of him. When had Spock gotten this good at reading him? Maybe he also hadn't just been as subtle as he'd have liked to be.

"It's nothing Spock, really."

He turned to walk to his room, when his path was suddenly blocked. Spock, now standing in front of him, kept his eyes locked on Jim's. Screw whatever the Vulcan said, Jim was completely sure what he saw in the other's eyes was concern.

"I truly doubt that Captain. If you recall, I tried to engage this very conversation with you two days ago. You opted to escape rather than explain. I let you go, but since then your behaviour escalated, thus I cannot let you go without an answer again."

Now anger burst through Jim. How could Spock dare to say this? To just demand what was clearly private?

"Step aside Spock and let me go to my quarters", the human ordered with gritted teeth. The Vulcan remained where he was, unmoving, one eyebrow lifting slightly. Now really pissed off, although not directly at Spock, Jim lurched forward and took a swing at his First Officer's face.

Spock ducked the attack and caught Jim's arm. With a growl Jim lashed out with his other arm, managing to hit Spock's shoulder. A slight grunt came from the blue-clad alien, but other than that Spock remained unmoving. Growing even more furious Jim wrenched his arms free and lunged at his First Officer.

Obviously, Spock hadn't expected that attack, since Jim managed to knock him to the ground and pin him there, his fist connecting with Spock's cheek. Everything burst out of him now. All the anger and pain, all the frustration and despair that had been gathering within him ever since every last person on this ship, maybe even in the Federation, had gotten to know his deepest secret. And now he took it out on the man that had caused the dam holding it all back to break.

He managed to land one more hit on Spock's face and one in the stomach before the Vulcan managed to get over the shock of having his superior officer lunge at him. Faster than Jim could comprehend he was on his back, pinned to the ground by Spock. His wrists, luckily still covered by his shirt, being held tightly against the ground by the half-Vulcan's hands. Said half-Vulcan never hit back though.

His calm mask was still in place, yet now his eyes were open to Jim. And what he found there had him freeze.

It wasn't the anger or disappointment the captain had expected, there was no disdain, smugness or even pity to be found. All he saw was _understanding_.

And then realisation hit him, hard.

He'd been wrong before.

Spock's behaviour around him had changed also, he just hadn't realised it. Spock understood him better now and Jim finally understood why. After Vulcan's destruction, after the loss of his mother, many had acted around Spock the same way they acted around him now. And not only that.

Just like Spock had lost his planet, his home, to Nero, Jim had lost Tarsus, his first true home, to Kodos. Spock had lost his mother while Jim had never really had one, but lost the closest thing he used to have to one on Tarsus as well. They were much more alike than the blonde had realised.

Slowly his tense muscles started to relax and simultaneously Spock let his bruising grip on his wrists loosen. The second his muscles relaxed completely and Jim slumped, Spock got off him and grabbed Jim's upper arm, careful not to touch his skin, and pulled him up.

Jim could only stare at the man in front of him wide eyed. Spock in return gave him a nod and walked to his own quarters, the door opening. He turned back to Jim and offered: "Would you like to join me for a game of chess captain?"

Jim blinked again. He distantly noted that he did this decidedly too oft today. None the less, he nodded and followed his First Officer into his quarters.


	2. Chekov

**StarTrek doesn't belong to me.**

 **R &R please.**

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After that first chess game with the half-Vulcan things started getting better. While they'd played, Jim had managed to somehow open up to his First. Spock, he'd found out, was a great listener.

During the game, Jim had talked about just about everything. Whatever had come to mind about his life he'd shared with Spock, more often than not prompting Spock to even give short statements about his own childhood. The hesitant way Spock spoke about some things made it clear he'd never shared those memories with anyone before either.

Jim felt warm on the inside at that revelation as well, his mind going back to the memories he'd, most likely unintentionally, received from the ambassador about the friendship between him and his Captain. The idea of that friendship, and its incredible depth and strength, didn't seem so far-fetched anymore now.

Farther, during that first game he'd also apologized around five times for what he'd done on the bridge during their fight against Nero.

Spock had shot each apology down, stating that it had been for the best, but Jim was nothing if not persistent. He'd apologize as often as he had to till the Vulcan accepted he was sorry for saying what he had said about his mother. And yet, while talking to Spock brought great relief to the young captain, it didn't make everyone else's actions easier to take.

That and Bones had, not all that jokingly, proclaimed him more insane than he already was for willingly spending so much time with his First.

Jim didn't bother arguing.

Heck, Bones' words didn't even really hurt that much, especially after finding one memory from the ambassador that showed that even late into his own time-line Bones had never stopped going at it with the half-Vulcan.

 _I guess the saying: The more things change, the more they stay the same; really works,_ Jim pondered while he absently thumbed through on of his few personal items on the ship. It was an old hard-paperback book by J.R.R. Tolkien that held all three Lord of the Rings books at once. This story was one of his all time favourites and no matter how often he'd read it already, Tolkien always managed to pull him in and let him ignore the world around him for a while, something Jim sorely needed right now. And so he, once he got off shift, had quickly grabbed the book from his quarters and had retreated to one of the smaller Observation/Recreation Rooms on his lady's upper level's.

Having started from where he stopped last Jim was now hearing Lord Elrond's introductory speech to his council echoing through his head - _'Now, therefore, things shall be openly spoken that have been hidden from all but a few until this day. And first, so that all may understand what is the peril, the Tale of the Ring shall be told from the beginning even to this present. And I will begin that tale, though others shall end it.'_ -when the door opened.

Jim looked up from his book, thankful that he'd chosen a chair that, while offering a beautiful view into the great vastness of space, was positioned out of the entrances view. His eyes widened when he found Chekov walking in, most of the young Russian's focus on the padd in his hand. Jim held his breath while he watched how his young navigator settled down in one of the chairs near the door and only exhaled when Chekov seemed to truly be absorbed by whatever it was he was doing.

After carefully observing the other for another minute, Jim decided he really hadn't been spotted and returned to his own activity. Once more deeply immersed in Tolkien's world, Boromir was just laying into Gandalf because of the hobbits - _'This will be the death of the halflings, Gandalf,' said Boromir. 'It is useless to sit here until the snow goes over our heads. We must do something to save ourselves.'_ -

Jim almost jumped when a strange noise sounded through the room.

Torn from his reading the captain searched the room, only for the strange noise to sound out again. Clear blue eyes focused on where Chekov had sat down, to widen. The young navigator had curled himself into a tight ball, shoulders shaking, while his padd lay on the ground in front of him. Worry about his youngest crew-member pushed away anything else, making Jim ignore the painful reminder of how Chekov acted around him since Tarsus IV, and he stood up quickly.

Placing his book into his seat Jim, quietly, moved over to where the navigator was curled up and chanced a glance at the padd. On it was a picture of a woman. There seemed to be nothing truly special about her but something struck Jim. It was the way she smiled, the way her green eyes - the perfect match to a certain navigator's - were shining brightly, even from within a frozen picture, and the way her joy at whatever she was doing radiated around her.

Everything about her was exactly like the young man in the room with Jim.

Moving uncertain eyes back to Chekov's shaking form Jim contemplated what to do now.

Despite Chekov being completely devastated, Jim couldn't deny the relief he felt. The navigator seemed much more like himself than he had ever since Tarsus.

 _They all rely on you._

Jim shook his head wildly. Ambassador Spock's voice echoed through his head, bringing flashes of a live that had technically never happened. Nonetheless, it was true, something Jim had kept on forgetting by himself lately. No matter how much he despised the way his crew acted around him lately, they were still _his_ crew. He was responsible for them, in every way there was.

"Chekov?" Jim's voice was quiet, barely above a whisper, but the younger man seized up as if he had shouted, his head shooting up to stare at the other. The captain's heart broke. Chekov's cheeks were tear-streaked, his still leaking eyes were red and his lower lip was trembling.

"K-kep-keptin", the young Russian croaked out and tried to straighten up. He froze when Jim placed a, surprisingly, steady hand on his shoulder.

"None of that Chekov", the blonde argued gently. "We're both off duty and I'm trying my hand at offering comfort here. My title is just gonna make things awkward."

Jim had expected many different reactions to his words, but what Chekov actually did stumped the man.

One second the young man was curled up on a seat, Jim standing over him with a hand on his shoulder, the next one the blonde was sitting on the ground with an inconsolable 18-year old in his lap. Wrapping his arms around Chekov in a way that Jim remembered Sam doing it for him and himself doing it for Kev and some of the other kids, Jim held the other close, running one hand through unruly bronze hair.

For a good five minutes all that happened was Chekov soaking Jim's shirt with his tears before the younger's heaving breaths finally started to slow down and deepen.

"Better?", Jim murmured softly.

Chekov let out a shaky breath before he croaked out: "Nyet keptin-J-Jim. But Z-Zank you." Jim frowned and gently ran his hand through the younger's hair.

"You wanna talk about it?", he asked while Chekov buried his face in the older man's chest once more.

"I-I-I-" The boy hiccupped out another sob and Jim started moving his hand through the bronze strands once more.

"Take you time", the blonde soothed. "It's okay pup, we have time." Jim had to do his best not to freeze up when he noticed what he had called Chekov.

 _Pup. That's the nickname Sam used for me,_ he thought. When Chekov seemed to burrow deeper into Jim's arms he smiled. _It does kind of fit him though._

Leaning his head down Jim whispered: "It's okay pup. Just let go, it'll be fine, I've got you." And then an idea occurred to the starship captain.

He reached out blindly, grabbing for the discarded pad and started to look for what he'd need.

Technically an adult or not, Chekov was still a kid, innocent to some of the workings of the universe and sometimes he needed to let go. Honestly, it warmed Jim's heart, seeing someone who had the chance to be a child more than ten years longer than Jim himself had had.

Finally finding what he was looking for Jim activated the track he'd chosen and soft instrumentals sounded from the PADD's speakers.

 _Come stop your crying_  
 _It will be alright_  
 _Just take my hand_  
 _And hold it tight_

 _I will protect you_  
 _From all around you_  
 _I will be here_  
 _Don't you cry_

 _For one so small,_  
 _You seem so strong_  
 _My arms will hold you,_  
 _Keep you safe and warm_  
 _This bond between us_  
 _Can't be broken_  
 _I will be here_  
 _Don't you cry_

 _'Cause you'll be in my heart_  
 _Yes, you'll be in my heart_  
 _From this day on_  
 _Now and forever more_  
 _You'll be in my heart_  
 _No matter what they say_  
 _You'll be here in my heart_  
 _Always_

 _Why can't they understand the way we feel_  
 _They just don't trust what they can't explain_  
 _I know we're different, but deep inside us_  
 _We're not that different at all_

 _And you'll be in my heart_  
 _Yes you'll be in my heart_  
 _From this day on_  
 _Now and forever more_

 _Don't listen to them_  
 _'Cause what do they know_  
 _We need each other, to have, to hold_  
 _They'll see in time, I know_

 _When destiny calls you, you must be strong_  
 _I may not be with you_  
 _But you got to hold on_  
 _They'll see in time, I know_  
 _We'll show them together_

 _'Cause you'll be in my heart_  
 _Believe me you'll be in my heart_  
 _I'll be there from this day on_  
 _Now and forever more_

 _You'll be in my heart_  
 _No matter what they say_  
 _You'll be here in my heart_  
 _Always_

 _Always I'll be with you_  
 _I'll be there for you always_  
 _Always and always_

 _Just look over your shoulder_  
 _Just look over your shoulder_  
 _Just look over your shoulder_  
 _I'll be there_  
 _Always_

The last notes of the song tinkled through the air while Jim kept whispering the last word – _always_ – into Chekov's ears. The man did wonder what it said about him that he found it easier to deal with emotions, both his own and other's, when singing a song was involved. Likely, he was even more messed up in the head than his therapists kept telling him.

A soft puff of warm air against his neck brought his attention back to the boy in his arms. Jim's eyes widened a little at what he saw.

"Pup?" No reaction. The teen was sound asleep, holding onto Jim as if the man was a giant teddy-bear.

Now what?

Jim sighed. There was no way he could stand up with Chekov clinging to him like this. But he didn't want to wake the younger either. After seeing the boy falling apart so completely Jim just couldn't destroy the peace that was now visible on Chekov's sleeping features. Sighing at what he knew he had to do, and hoping the other wasn't busy because there was no way in any hell that he would let Bones see this scene, Jim fumbled for his comm and flipped it open.

"Kirk to Spock. Spock come in please." There was a beat of silence before the First Officer's calm voice came in answer.

 _"Spock here Captain. Query?"_

Jim blinked.

Well shoot. He really hoped he hadn't just interrupted an important experiment. "Can you do me a favour and come to Rec. Room 9-8? I need a hand here _."_

 _"I will be there Captain",_ answered the half-Vulcan immediately and the connection was cut before Jim even had time to wince. He'd definitely interrupted something important if he got those kind of curt answers today.

Sighing softly once more Jim resigned himself to receiving the eyebrow of doom, as he so fondly called Spock's typical very-annoyed-but-Vulcans-do-not-get-annoyed-captain expression, and returned to carding a comforting hand through Chekov's bronze locks. The boy in his arms murmured something in Russian and nuzzled further into Jim's embrace.

It was almost, dare he say it, cute. And who would've thought Jim would ever use that word for an eighteen year old Alpha Shift Navigator of a star ship.

Then again, the Enterprise wasn't exactly staffed with just a normal crew after all, so why not an undeniably adorable teenage genius on the bridge crew.

Jim was torn from his thoughts when he heard the door slide open. And yep, there it was, Spock's very-annoyed-but-Vulcans-do-not-get-annoyed-captain expression was the first thing he saw when the First Officer entered.

Not that it stayed long.

The second the Vulcan had taken in the situation his features became a carefully blank mask that Jim had figured out meant his First was deeply worried. Huh, so Chekov really had quite an effect on every crew member, not just the Captain.

"Captain what-"

"Shhh", the blonde cut the other off sharply and rubbed Chekov's back gently when the pup started stirring. "Don't wake him. I'm not sure what happened, but the pup here had a pretty bad breakdown roughly half an hour ago and after I managed to calm him down he fell asleep. I don't want to wake him but I don't think I can get up with him on me like this so…" Jim trailed off but it was obvious Spock understood immediately.

The blue-clad male stepped forward and crouched down at Jim's right, holding tightly onto the man's shoulder. Simultaneously the Vulcan's other hand, gently but firmly, pushed against Chekov's back, holding him to Jim's chest. Then Spock started to rise and pulled Jim both forwards and upwards at once. The blonde reacted immediately and made sure to quickly get his footing once he managed to move his feet properly.

Quickly shifting his arms he kept a tight grip on Chekov, now holding the younger male in a bizarre mixture of how you'd hold a toddler and what was widely known as bridal-style.

Once Spock's hands disappeared Jim started walking immediately. He did turn his head and softly called over his shoulder: "Could you bring my book and Chekov's padd along please Spock?" He jerked his head to the two items and only turned to look forward again once he saw his First crouch down to pick up the padd left on the ground.

Jim had only just left the room properly when Spock joined his side already. The alien was quiet for the majority of the walk but began speaking once they'd entered the turbo lift and Jim had called out the deck their quarters where on.

"Captain?"

That one word was more than enough to prompt Jim explaining by now.

"He's in a bad way Spock. I'm not sure what happened that got to him like this but I think it's got something to do with his family. Point is, I saw how he broke down there Spock…I can't leave him alone now and considering Chekov shares his quarters with both Sulu and that Beta Shift Pilot Jonas…he's also not likely to let go of me anytime soon so…I'd rather have him in the privacy of my quarters." Then a wry grin curled Jim's lip and he added: "Plus, the pup's a teenager. He'll be mortified enough to know I had to call you for help. I don't wanna imagine how he'd react when he finds out that Sulu and Jonas saw this too."

He smirked widely when Spock's right eyebrow rose high which usually meant that the Vulcan did not quite understand the reasoning behind Jim's last sentence but instead of asking was willing to just write it off as another type of human mannerism that he wouldn't come close to understanding. Which Jim was glad for. How was he supposed to explain puberty to his first so that it made sense to the guy? Especially the independence issues brought on by male human puberty _._

 _Thank you but no thank you. If he ever gets the idea of asking that I'll just send him to Bones. Let them argue about how illogical humanity is._

The turbo lift doors opening snapped Jim out of his thoughts and he quickly started walking again. Once he reached his quarters though he came across another problem.

Chekov, despite being almost as bad a workaholic as Jim could be, was a healthy eighteen year old human boy with the weight to match. And while there wouldn't have been a problem had he carried to teen on his back, the way he was holding him now Jim wasn't sure he could remove a hand to type in his room's key-code without accidently dropping the Russian.

"Uh", he glanced at Spock who was watching them. This time the Vulcan's left eyebrow was slowly inching up his forehead and Jim scowled at the other before he asked: "Could you…open the door for me?"

Without any verbal answer Spock stepped forward, prompting Jim to step back, and typed in the emergency key-code for the captains quarters, known only to Jim, the First Officer and CMO and whoever Jim was the most likely to leave in charge if he and Spock had to leave the ship for a long time – which in this case was Scotty, no matter how much the engineer complained about it.

The door slid open with barely a hiss and with a muttered 'thanks' Jim stepped past Spock, who nodded in response, and into his quarters. Spock followed him in, placed both Jim's book and Chekov's padd on a nearby coffee table, nodded to the captain once more and left again. The door slid shut behind him, leaving Jim and Chekov alone.

Jim was about to walk towards his bed when a thought occurred to him. _Oh my god! I called Chekov pup in front of Spock! Oh god no! Please don't let that Vulcan go around and ask why I did that. If Bones finds out about his I'll never live it down._

Sometimes the blonde man did wonder how he was still friends with the grumpy doctor. Then he remembered all the shit Jim had pulled and gone through and how the southern man had stood by his side, unmoving and believing in Jim, and he had the answer. For all his faults, Bones was one heck of a loyal friend and one of the kindest people out there, once you managed to get past the very thick rough wall the good doctor had built around that kindness.

A certain teen suddenly shuffling about in his arms brought the young captain back to the present and he moved to his bed quickly. He lowered Chekov on it carefully and then tried to pry the pup's fingers from his golden shirt.

When he only pried lightly Chekov wouldn't budge and when he put in more effort the teen would start whimpering. Sighing in frustration Jim, somehow, managed to, gently, twist and turn and pull and then he finally slipped out of his command tunic, leaving him only in the black undershirt. Chekov pulled the golden cloth close immediately and cuddled it to his chest like a teddy-bear, like he'd been using Jim for half an hour now. It was undeniably adorable and Jim couldn't help it.

"Computer", he called softly." Take a picture of the bed."

A soft whirring from his desk, where he'd left his personal padd, alerted him to the fact that the picture was taken he leaned down. He carefully pulled off Chekov's shoes and then gently tugged the blanked out from underneath the young Russian. After spreading it over him Jim walked to the other side of the large bed and lay down himself, exhausted after the emotional rollercoaster this evening had been for him as well.

The blonde man closed his eyes and was soon asleep, never noticing that after only a few minutes Chekov had managed to turn and shuffle around enough to use him as an oversized teddy-bear once again.

It was this picture Bones walked in on the next morning, having come looking for Jim when the man had missed their planned breakfast in Bones' office to celebrate Joanna passing her first Andorian exam with flying colours.

* * *

 **So, before anyone asks, this is not necessarily a song-fic. It fit very well with here simply because of Chekov's age and the big brother role I'm planning on giving Jim for him, but he's not going to sing in every chapter.**

 ** _You'll be in my Heart_ does not belong to me either.**


End file.
